A year of color and music...

It has been many months since I have written here and it boils down to the fact that I am a perfectionist... I want everything to sound right.. look right.. be right.. so I will obssess over what needs to be done or said.. or collecting just the right pictures for just the right moments, etc.. and then the Lord gave me a word the other day about creativity.
Creativity takes letting go of perfection and allowing yourself to start from right where you are and then building upon that each step of the way.
I know so many artists out there who never want to show anyone their work because it's not what they invisioned in their own mind's eye. Yet if anyone saw their work they would tell them how talented they are, and how beautiful their artwork is.
I myself have seen/heard brand new worship leaders who are nervous, miss a chord, or a note turn into some of the most gifted and talented worship leaders out there. I know that had they not been willing to practise and then try and then practise somemore , all the while being imperfect in front of others, they would not have reached their goal.
My goal is to write at least 3 times a week on this blog..I want this blog to be a place of hope, joy and  The Good News. I would also like this to be a place for those of you praying for us to see  what the Lord is doing in our lives and in the lives of the young people around us. Unfortunately my perfectionistic ways have been getting in the way of my sharing the beautiful stories around me.
This is where the creatvity will come in.
On Mother's Day I believe that the Lord told me that this would be a year of color and music. So I am sure that this will find it's way onto the blog.. as well as video's, maybe some drawings.. who knows?!
But I know that this will be year of adventure and non-perfectionistic thinking.. well.. as far as the blog goes anyway!!

So today I am hoping you can listen to a song that a friend of a friend wrote. It is about grief, about a baby dying and that baby's words to it's mama.  As I listened to it I wept and smiled remembering my dear little Kirra. 

I smiled knowing that one day I will see her again...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mNNPSKNNpY

and she will have words to say to me, Bryan and Kieva.

waiting in expectation...

 0n the night of New Years Kieva had some little friends over to watch a movie and ring in 2012! We had our own countdown, Martinelli's toast, and prayer led by Bryan. The kids had a blast! but I think by this photo you can see what the highlight of their night was!! Whipcream shots in the mouth straight from the can!!! They could barely contain themselves and of course we had to do it more then once....there's nothing like a child to remind you to live in wild expectation.
This year my desire is to wake up every morning living in wild expectation of the movement of God.. not only in my life but in other's lives as well. I desire to wake not under the daily up's and down's of circumstance but looking straight to my Heavenly Father and waiting to see what He is up to..to see His whole perspective and His beautiful conclusions. This is the most important New Year's goal I have in 2012.
By creative nature I am a feeler... the ability to feel and sense the depth of beauty in a moment..and then the dread or the anxst in moment.  By nature I do not wake every morning with gusto,exhuberance, and overflow.. but instead as I wake up I think of all I SHOULD have accomplished the day before.. all that is needed to be done.. and the feeling of defecit begins. It's not a depression but instead like something chips away at the resolve, in the night, and in the morning I must fill up again with His ideals and views. I have had people pray over my mornings as they seem to be the time that the spiritual fight for clarity is the hardest... and I believe that I am on the edge of breakthrough. I live in a place where I look to Him but I am vividly aware of all that is in my perephrial view. I believe He wants to take me to the place where I see Him and His beautiful presence coats all else.  I want to stand in His line with wild expectation, my mouth wide open ready for the beauty, the flavor, the joy He desires to fill me with.
In this year I am ready to stand in resolve again that my God is good all the time. That He is for me and not against me.. that He does own the cattle on the hill. that He desires to stretch my family's tent pegs and that most of all His desires are more awesome, more wild, more flavorful then anything I could come up with on my own. Everytime I look back on things I see the beauty of His way, His approach, His timing. May this be a year that we all say "yes", as we wiggle and giggle with excitement, to our beautiful Father in heaven.

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What?! It's right around the corner?!

Another year is being washed away into the deep sea of  memories.. It's amazing to me how fast this year has gone by...and all that it has entailed. Even as I write this some of us are remembering great things and others are overwhelmed by sadness. As I grow older, and as social media connects us with so many people I am constantly reminded that one person's day of joy is another persons day of great pain.  I am reminded that there are no pat answers, that life is truly a journey, and our choices make a difference.
This year was full of healing for us as we walked through our loss of Kirra.. and had to give the Lord back all of the dreams we had for her life with us. We did a lot of questioning and a lot of crying... and when we thought we had had gotten through the roughest patch the sadness would overwhelm us again.. but we promised to let every question, every tear, every part of our grief fall on that foundation that God is good all the time.. even if the circumstances suck. And I must say He has been faithful to heal. Of course we will weep for our loss through different times of our life but we thank God that we are not stuck in a pit of darkness or anxst.

We celebrated Kieva's 6 th year of life!! Our miracle baby.. full of joy, life and laughter! ( weeping, yelling, and overall craziness too!) He had the best summer and asks when summer vacation is coming again!!!

YWAM Kauai

one team from YWAM Maui

I had the most opportunities for teaching on the islands and it was amazing! I taught in the Honolulu Discipleship Training School (DTS), the Korean DTS in Kona, the Kauai DTS,and the Maui DTS ...twice! How amazing to be able to pour the truth of the beauty of God into so many young minds and hearts.
Bryan received a paddleboard for his birthday this year and has been having a great time teaching himself how to ride it. He has been working on a huge project of rebuilding one of the houses on base and was groomsman in one of his buddies weddings.

We had an amazing staycation on the North shore of Oahu. We house sat for some friends that live 2 blocks away from the ocean!!We were reminded of how much we love the country and small town living. we walked or rode our bikes to the store.. to Starbucks.. to the beach.. it was awesome!! Our friends blessed us by buying a real tree and real wreath so we felt the Christmas spirit as soon as we walked in!

 A day and a half left to make memories in 2011!!!!

Day Three.. is about to begin

This is the story of my life..
I think the Lord has waved this type of sign in front of me dozens of times throughout the years.. He seems to like to remind me that I am not in control and that maybe.. just maybe.. I need to stop... turn to Him and then embark on the journey again.. I hear Him wooing me closer and closer.. the tears are ever ready and the heart is being stirred.. but it's taking some time. It's the end of my second day on this cleanse and I am seeing some ugliness begin to arise... sigh.. my rock of faith has been nicked again.... I wonder how long it will take for me to be that unwavering, Jesus flag holding, woman that I was for sure going to be by age 40... but I can't seem to dispell the questions lately.. the ugly questions, as I call them.. the why's? the what ifs?.. those are the worst. I have heard many a speaker share that the Lord is in the now.. not the past or the future.. but the present.. and I see that.. but my heart still cries at times for the sadness of the past and the mistakes made. I am believeing that through this cleanse the Lord is going to build up that faith again.. just by the beauty of sitting in His presence..that He is going to restore His perspective to me in the places that desperatley need some restoring.
It's rather interesting to me that this is the first quarter I will taking on the Pastoral Director role 100% and will be shepherding others closer to Him and yet this seems to be a great time for a bit of a faith crisis... haha. Thank God that He is not afraid of my questions.. but beckons me closer still.. and can calm me and reassure me in a way noone else will ever be able to.
I continue to sit in this boat.. and I will continue to paddle.. fast and hard.. determined to know Him and His perspective. Even on the days that my sight is blurry from the sweat and the tears... give me your endurance Lord.

Back to the Basics

This is me with the best determined look I could muster at the time..  I had just finished my first work out of the summer and decided that NOW is the time for me to get back to me. I know.. it sounds.. well.. selfish.. but after seeing myself in pictures all summer I realized that I had become unrecognizable ...
Let me back up....
 Our family had the best summer together.. we were able to take Kieva to see everyone of his grandparents' most of his aunts,uncles,and cousins, and to experience their life with them. What a blast.. First to North
Carolina where we stayed at the beach house..searched for shells, hung out with family, jumped on trampolines, rode the Holy Mackeral, rode the pony, went to a water park, played in grandmom's pool and had not one  but TWO birthday parties to celebrate Kieva's 6th year of life!
Then we jet setted to Illinois where even more family was waiting for us.. We went to Great America, museums, a Discovery Center, swam in grandpa's pool, made new friends and discovered new parks to play in. I saw my grandma.. The Queen, as we lovingly refer to her...and had another birthday party for Kieva... it was a crazy 6 weeks.
During that last few weeks I found out that a friend from jr.high was losing her battle with cancer.
She had  been writing a blog on The Caring Bridge website.. so I went there and read her 80 some entries in one night.. It took me through two years of her cancer struggle... I found myself weeping and being stirred in the depths of me. see, we had not spoken for over 20 years.. but we were facebook friends and had a few exchanges over facebook... so reading her blog was like reconnecting and yet the last entry at that time was her going into the hospital due to pain.. and then a family member began giving updates for her since she had  then been taken to a hospice. I wept for her children.. for her husband.. her family.. and then I just wept for the injustice of it all.
In the days following I found myself questioning many things.. and asking the Lord for His perspective because mine seemed so cloudy and murky. All of this anxst just kept swirling inside of me.. and caused me to get on that eliptical and try to burn some of it away.. I ended up doing alot of crying and actually found myself crying...again.. for my little Kirra.
That was the beginning of me working out twice a day and allowing all of the pain and questions inside of me to rise to the surface and spill out. I have been working out regularly since then .. it's been about 3 weeks now and I am about to begin a cleanse..  I still can't verbalize what has been touched in me.. I can only say that some part of me has been shaken awake again...
I am ready to paddle hard from the boat of discipline in the sea of discovery again.. and to carve myself out of this extra flesh...

                                                            Let's adventure together!


Heres a few pics from the summer!


Kieva and great grandma



Kieva about to ride the pony



The Holy Mackeral




cannonball or swan dive?!



daddy and mini-me.. on our way to Illinois from N.C.

Inertia propels me forth!!!!

This picture says it all! I am in the 9th week of my Bible Core Course.. and I could fall asleep standing up! It has been an amazing time learning the inductive study method and hearing from some great speakers.
We have sailed through Philemon, Galations ,Romans, Mark, Ephesians, Old Testament Overview, 1and 2
Kings, Genesis, and now Amos, we have Hebrews and Revelation left. This course has exhausted me.. emotionally, spiritually, and physically. It is an intensive course with about 25 to 30 hours of homework...then add time in class.. then add the revelation after mind blowing revelation that occurs, the conviction that comes about and then time with my and for my family...You begin to see why I could, if I let myself, nap on two feet!
 I must say though, that I have fallen more in love with the character of God and who He is.. constantly reaching out to his creation.. desiring the best for them..and everytime they turn away He chases them even harder...Amazing! I know that without the support of my family I would not be able to do this school. My mom came to help with Kieva, and the Lord provided Bryan with a side job that is helping us pay for this school.We are all being stretched and blessed at the same time. I am confident that this school, and what
I have gleaned from it, has and will continue to greater equip me in teaching, in pastoral care, and in counseling.

As a base we just graduated another Discipleship Training School.. young people loving God and wanting to effect others with the beauty of that love.. Our school will graduate on the 3rd of July. and on the 4th a Korean DTS will begin. So we continue to equip young people with spiritual truth, beauty and strength.

Bryan  has been basically working two full time jobs. working on the base.. right now on a roof.. and a side tiling job. He continues to work out and be my example of getting back into shape!!!

Kieva is playing everyday and enjoying his summer break! He loves having Nana here and will be sad next week when she goes back home!!

But we will see her again soon.. as this summer we will be COMING TO THE MAINLAND!!!!!!! this will be our first trip in 3 years.. and we thank our families for providing a way for us to get there. We can't wait to hug and kiss and be close to our families.. Kieva will see both of his great grandma's as well as his plethura of grandparents, cousins, uncles, and aunties. We would love to see any ywam friends out there and if there are any opportunities for me to share or speak let me know..

I still owe 1400.00 for my school.. if anyone would like to partner with us and recieve a tax deduction send a check to YWAM Honolulu and on a seperate paper please note it for 'the Daughtry's". If the tax deduction doesn't matter then just hit that paypal button! Thank you!!!!!!

ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

I am about 5 blogs behind but I must communicate all that has been happening here!!!!
I am in the 5th week of the intensely crazy  Bible Core Course.. I pulled an all nighter and have had plenty of nights where I have been up until the wee hours of the morning.. I am learning so much and really feel so blessed to be doing this school.. I know that this is just adding more tools to my belt for ministry.. I am reminded of how much I love school and how much I love learning.. My family is hanging in there.. but by thursday our house is trashed and it takes until monday to get it back in order and then we start all over again..
Bryan is working hard! He is doing a side job.. that is helping to pay for my school.. and is also heading up two different departments on the base. He has had to do more then ever because I am busy with so much homework.
Kieva is excited that kindergarten is almost over. haha He is counting down the days until summer!!!!
We are all exercising our perseverance muscles.. I know that when this three months is over I will have significantly more knowledge about the word.. and greater ability to study it indepthly... which will make me a better teacher ' discipler' and person. It has been amazing to be immersed in the bible and to reminded again the beauty of our God and how He came to set us free from the bondage's of legalism and from religion.. It is still very interesting to me that people truly think God is about "pushing down" when He has been trying to lift us up and remind of us of who we truly are since the garden..
I am in school with alot of young adults... I think the oldest one of them is 23 or something.. 10 out of the 13 students are young men.. and can I say I am learning alot about how guys interact... They are fun and make me laugh alot.. sometimes on purpose.. and sometimes their naivety in itself is hilarious..

I am encouraged.. that even though I still have not escaped this chubby mom suit.. my heart and mind.. my being overall is drawing closer to the Lord through revelation of His word and the beauty of the truth... signing out now because the hubby has to sleep and since our little son broke the lcd on our laptop we only have a stationary computer in the bedroom.. I promise more news sooner then later... oh yeah Nana is coming in a few weeks!! but its a surprise for kieva!!!!!!!!